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FangirlY’know, you really bring out the worst in me.

I like to think I’m a fairly sensible person; sometimes beyond my age, sometimes a little bit below –I admit it-. There’s not much about myself I take pride in, but my mind… my mind has always been one.  It’s been the one constant in my life that kept me from absolutely hating myself.

I was the one pushing gender boundaries at that epic, tender, oh so important age of 5, hanging out with the boys because of course they didn’t have cooties, don’t be stupid.

I was the one the teacher chose to help her with the other classmates. Well, with their sch
My DadWhen I was little, my dad was a superlative.

He was the strongest, the bravest, the most the best. No man could compete with him. He didn't just set the bar, no, my dad was the bar. He could do no wrong in my big youthful eyes.

When I became a teenager, my dad was nothing but wrong.
His expectations: wrong.
Means of discipline: wrong.
Opinions of my boyfriends: wrong.
And it was hard to understand how a man of such great stature could take such a fall. Especially to such a smart daughter like me, who was above the petty "ugh, my parents suck!" complaints of a typical teen. I, who searched for a higher understanding, could not possibly be at
Secrets ExposedHello to the reader whom is taking their time to read this.
I am merely writing this to express how sad, alone, and pathetically worthless I have been feeling.
Often, mostly during the night hours, I start to warp deep into thought and usually end up in mass depression. How I keep ending up in this state of mind is not so much of a mystery as I like to portray it to those I tell. To start off my explanation, I shall tell of today (Jun. 12, 2013).

On this particular day today, I was helping mother at her job in Oxbow Elementary. My hormones had been very out of whack. When I was helping her pack sunflower seeds for next day’s breakfast
RepetitionWhat's the point of a heart?

That it beats with all of its might within your ribs, pounding at your lungs until you can't breathe? That it stops every time something bothers the weakly firing neurons up past the rivers of your veins?

What does it pump through your weary limbs but the icy cold blood that's trudging from your broken valves? They weep and sigh and cut themselves off in a tragic mobius twist. And without an end, what purpose does that familiar slamming and throbbing have?

Just to remind you that it's there, one would think.

Or maybe the point of the heart is to bleed what it receives. To keep the fluid flowing. Just to keep t
Godly Relationships 7: Shared ValuesIf you're still searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, be patient, be prudent, and be picky. Look for someone whose values you respect, who behavior you approve of, and whose faith you admire. Remember that appearances can be deceiving and tempting. And when it comes to the important task of building a lifetime relationship with the guy or girl of your dreams, pray about it!
If you happen to be one of those very lucky ones who has already fallen madly in love with the same wonderful person who has already fallen madly in love with you, say a great thanks to the Matchmaker in heaven. But if you haven't yet found a soul-mate who honors both you and G
You Are Already PerfectI hung up the phone and look down at the ground before looking up into my mirror.
Why do you like me?
Why do you love me?
You could have a million other girls, I’ve seen them look at you, so why me?
What’s so good about me?
Nothing.
I’m so ugly.
Why don’t you go off with someone who’s beautiful?
No, I don’t want you to leave me but I want you to be with someone who is good for you.
The only things that are beautiful on me are these lines.
All these red lines.
I’m so sick.
No I don’t like doing this but…
I guess I have no answer actually.
I walk to the bathroom and quietly close the d
AffectionI miss affection.

I miss having the off chance of being hugged or even kissed when the moments were right.

I don’t like that it’s been so long since I’ve had that.

I think I deserve to have it, but I don’t get it.

I mean, we’re all human, we’re supposed to be able to thrive on social interaction and occasionally have meaningful relations through touch.

But I never got that out of either of my parents.

My father always asked why I recoiled back when he’d touch me or go near me; it’s because
I wasn’t used to him actually reaching out to me that way.

My mother was worse at it; I can c
Animal Rights Quote 4True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
  ~ Milan Kundera
SaviorPull me from this prism, and let my color loose. Cascade your words all through my mind, and watch me learn to live. Trace patterns in my chest with your delicate fingers, and I will give you everything. Surrender your lips unto me, and I will find my reason. If only you would meet my eyes, then maybe you could see. That I am not as lost as I appear to be.
My Best FriendI Can Never Tell You

There are so many things I wish I could say, but alas words can never seem to be enough…I know you’ll never read this, but then again, is that even the point?
I know you probably don’t even understand all you do to begin with, so it won’t really matter, because you’ll remain the same. You are, truly the best friend a person could have, the way you always listen, without any kind of judgment, you’re always there, and if you weren’t, well…I don’t really have much to say about that. You always seem to know if something is wrong, and you’re just there to help me
SinkingThe tears sting more
When they refuse to fall
Hot, salty bullets of anguish.
Assaulting my eyes
As I try to forget.

I wake, like a brick wall
It's there in front of me,
Even in dreams,
I cannot escape.

Surrounded by people
I still feel lonely,
Drowning, suffocating in
The tormentor's shroud.

They don't see me,
I'm not even there.
Not really.
The happiness ended long ago.
I cannot reach the air above.
Sinking, falling, leaving.

Will I ever be visible again?
To even myself?
The cruel mirror lies,
It's image of an empty shell,
Its not me.
I'm not there.
I am broken.
Save me.
Please.
Rant 15: LOLPlease let me use _____. Hasbro told me _______.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

If you're gonna lie, at LEAST make it convinicing! Oh my god, that's the best excuse I've heard to date. Good lord, did you really think I was gonna fall for that? Oh my god, people are IDIOTS.
For My Girlfriend, The Love of my LifeDear Tori,
    Every time I am near you, my heart beats faster and faster. You always make me happy when I'm down, and I thank you for making my life enjoyable. I love how amazing you are, and how you always bring a smile to my face. Your hugs are warm, your kisses are sweet. I love you with all my heart, and all my soul. Truly, words can not express my love for you. I am glad to have such an angel for a girlfriend, for she is beautiful, smart, funny, and pretty much amazing at everything. If your life was ever in danger, I would save you in a heartbeat. You have done so much for me, and I can't thank you enough. It would take me over a decade just to thank you for all the amazing stuff you've done for me.
    My life before I met you was a living Hell. I was going downhill fast and I wanted to die. Then I met you, the most perfect person on the face of the world. After talking to you, I immediately knew that we were going to make the greatest of friends. Later on,
Father
My father is an ambulance. One of those old ambulances, the ones that have seen everything and are still running perfectly. The ambulance has faded paint, and numerous scratches that it has made little attempt to cover. The ambulance does not try to hide what it has done, and the things it has seen, but it does not go and broadcast such knowledge either. It simply drives around, and helps. Its interior is worn, and obviously well used. The tools and bandages are all arranged neatly in their spaces, well secured so as not to fall or get stolen. The seats in the cab are plain leather. Sturdy, long lasting, and strong. Constantly going around lo
Industrialized MindIndustrialized Mind

Turn it off.

It's the silence that eats away at your battery ripping into your bronze armor, drinking your oil.

During the day it's so easy to forget the long dark nights because people make so much noise. It's like an information overload. But when the day sinks into everlasting dusk the dead feeling beckons you, sticking to your skin like a crystallized blast freezer.

And then it begins.

The silence.

But it is never truly silent.

Every file is being analyzed, the gears are turning in your head as the machine belches smoke consuming the wilder land of your inner solace. Everything that has ever made you happy is no
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40 Reasons Why I Love Myself

:iconyyjvmb:

40 Reasons Why I Love Myself

1. I am strong.
2. I am powerful.
3. I am unique.
4. I am brave.
5. I stand up for myself and others.
6. I'm kind.
7. I'm not a bully.
8. I have a voice.
9. I'm intelligent.
10. I'm honest.
11. I have amazing friends.
12. I'm a gamer.
13. I'm black.
14. I'm bisexual.
15. I'm no longer suicidal.
16. I've stopped going to therapy.
17. I can draw.
18. I can write.
19. I can sing.
20. I believe in myself and my dreams.
21. I'm sane.
22. I'm not on medication.
23. I don't cut myself.
24. I can try my best, and even in failure, I smile.
25. I can get myself out of bad situations.
26. I go to an amazing school.
27. I can listen.
28. I'm a freak and I'm proud of it.
29. I'm not a preppy, stuck up blonde.
30. I don't brag about myself.
31. I'm stronger than the people who put me down.
32. I can accept when I'm wrong.
33. I'm pretty.
34. I am creative.
35. I am proud to be a nerd.
36. I'm proud of my accomplishments in general.
37. I don't need makeup like the preps do.
38. I have a wild imagination.
39. I'm not afraid to admit who I am.
40. I can find something positive about myself despite my extremely low self-esteem.

59

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:iconyyjvmb:

40 Reasons Why I Love Myselfby =yyjvmb

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Just trying to make myself feel better after all of the bullying that has happened to me recently...:meow:
Please no rude comments.
©2012-2013 =yyjvmb
Category: Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

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November 5, 2012
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:iconblackphotographs:
~BlackPhotographs Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Because you live, because you are, you are infinitely important.
Reply
:iconyyjvmb:
=yyjvmb Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
well helluuur
Reply
:iconrandom-neko-chan:
~random-neko-chan Nov 8, 2012  Student Writer
That's really cool. I should make a list like this for myself. I'll certainly need it.
Reply
:iconyyjvmb:
=yyjvmb Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, that's why I did it :meow: I'd love to see it!
Reply
:iconrandom-neko-chan:
~random-neko-chan Nov 10, 2012  Student Writer
:D
Reply
:iconkiddosenpai:
=KiddoSenpai Nov 6, 2012  Student General Artist
This is a great idea.
I have such crappy self esteem so I think I may try this. <333

Remember, those bullies are jealous and stupid.
Reply
:iconyyjvmb:
=yyjvmb Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you should've seen what happened to me yesterday..
Reply
:iconkiddosenpai:
=KiddoSenpai Nov 6, 2012  Student General Artist
NO.
WHAT HAPPENED?
Reply
:iconyyjvmb:
=yyjvmb Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
( noted it to yah )
Reply
:iconplatypuscrazy98:
*PlatypusCrazy98 Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
...oh the irony of number 30. XD

But all are absolutely true girl. And I'm glad you can finally see that. :)

You wouldn't mind I do a parody or copy of this would you?
Reply
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